October is National Bullying Prevention Month and it’s appropriate that I should address this very real problem that affects children of all ages. Not because I’m an expert on bullying; but because I am a survivor of bullying. I went through elementary school being bullied by kids who didn’t like the fact that my parents were both from Cherokee Indian descent. In the late 1950’s to early 1960’s (my elementary school years) being from any descent that didn’t carry the name of white Anglo was a big deal and detrimental to your well-being both mentally and physically. My mother taught fifth grade before I was born. She stopped teaching after I was born to stay home with me. When I started school she began to substitute teach. Somehow the parents at the local school discovered her heritage and petitioned the school not to allow her to teach. God was ever present that day because the principal stood his ground and denied the petition. My mother was allowed to teach. So I became the target. At the beginning it frightened me. I never told my parents because my dad (part Cherokee/part Irish—a deadly combination) would have taken his tomahawk to those kids. I felt it would only make matters worse. I think my parents knew all along; which meant they were much cooler than I gave them credit for because they never intervened. Instead my dad taught me how to defend myself which ultimately gave me the confidence I needed to stand my ground and stand up to the bullying. You see, bullies are really just cowards. They never meet you one on one. They always approach you in a pack. Understand, there was no internet or social networking in the 1950’s – 1960’s. A kid got bullied face to face and it usually became physical and not just verbal. In today’s world, bullies are much the same—cowards. But now they hide behind the internet so they don’t have to travel much in packs. And the cuts are deeper I think. My book “Dealing with Margaret” is based on a girl I knew in school who was a bully. Like Margaret, she was more than just your average bully, she was a popular bully. From my point of view that kind of bully is a lot more dangerous. Margaret Callahan tries to bully my main character, Elizabeth. But Elizabeth has two best friends who aren’t afraid of Margaret. And to Elizabeth’s credit she really is more intimidated by Margaret than she is fearful of her. Elizabeth is met with the challenge of finding the good side of Margaret which everyone knows there is none. Margaret is mean, selfish, bossy, conceded, and she is out to get Elizabeth to make her life miserable. Margaret is also something else—envious and afraid. She knows deep down inside that the other kids really don’t like her. They are simply afraid of her. She envies Elizabeth’s friendship with her two best friends who Margaret knows don’t like her either. Margaret also knows that Elizabeth’s friends aren’t afraid of her and that fact frightens Margaret because if she loses that hook of fear she will lose her popularity. She would rather surround herself with people who fear her than to be alone. And loneliness frightens Margaret more than anything. Elizabeth doesn’t believe she’ll ever find Margaret’s good side because Margaret Callahan is simply too mean and hateful. Only when the tables are turned does Margaret really see herself for the bully she is. But you’ll just have to read the book to find out how. Bullying isn’t new. How kids bully today is. We read all too often the tragic results of bullying. Parental guidance is the key. I survived bullying because my parents took an active role in my life—without me even realizing it. That’s what being a smart parent means. There must be a million organizations, plans, seminars, events, classes, campaigns, etc. etc. out there that hawks “HELP STOP BULLYING! STOMP OUT BULLYING! BULLYING AWARENESS! STOP CYBERBULLYING!” But guess what? It hasn’t stopped and unfortunately it probably never will. But I believe it can absolutely be slowed down. Bullying ended for me when I took a stance and stood up to the bully. I never could have done that had it not been for my parents. All these programs are fine and I’m sure kids who have lousy parents benefit from them; just as parents who have no clue as to how to be a parent most likely benefit from them. It doesn’t negate the fact that parents hold the key. So I wrote “Dealing with Margaret” as a way to show kids how to deal with difficult people and I snuck a little subliminal bullying lesson in there. Kinda like my dad did when he gave me the confidence to stand up for myself and take a stand against bullying. It’s good and honorable that we have a month dedicated to the prevention of bullying and acknowledging that it’s a problem. It’s good and honorable that we look to stomping out bullying. My children are all grown up now and they are strong self sufficient young women. I do have three grandchildren. One of which is all grown up. The other two are middle school and elementary school age. They have never been bullied. Why? Because of their parents and the lessons they’ve been taught.  Plus—they’re pretty strong and confident kids!